The Romance of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Kirino
Summary: Things weren't what they seemed for our snarker narrator. Kyon finally gets it from Haruhi. Took them long enough.
1. Prologue

It seemed to be another uneventful day in the SOS Brigade club room. Well, relatively uneventful. The worst that could happen would probably involve our wonderful Brigade Chief bursting through the classroom carrying a set of new costumes for Asahina-san to try on, against her will.

Poor Asahina-san. The Chief always makes it a point to turn her into her personal plaything, given that the reason she forced Asahina-san to join the SOS Brigade was to be its mascot.

"She is super cute," she had said. "I believe that turn-ons are an essential factor."

And with that, coupled with a few more explanations, Asahina-san had to endure our chief's habit of dressing her up (to make her more "moe") as the official mascot of the SOS Brigade.

This is coming from a man who has gone through an innumerable number of time travel experiences, not to mention being thrown into an alternate reality. This is what would be considered uneventful.

Little did I know that today would change the rest of my life in ways that would surpass the changes wrought upon by those previous supernatural occurrences.


	2. Chapter 1

(After classes)

The SOS Brigade clubroom found itself quite boring at this time of day. How strange. Haruhi should have burst into the room by now, with that angelic yet very dangerous smile of hers. Dangerous, because it would foreshadow another one of her harebrained schemes which, for Asahina-san and I, would prove to be very tiresome.

To while away the time, Koizumi and I were playing yet another board game. This time, we were playing _Battleship_, and, as usual, he was losing. In the corner of the room nearest the bookshelf sat an unmoving Yuki Nagato, who was, as expected, reading another book.

The voluptuous Asahina-san was occupied by the stove that Haruhi had brought in so long ago. As usual, she was wearing her maid costume, which she had grown accustomed to (not that Haruhi hadn't forced her into wearing it in the first place) and was brewing us some hot tea.

"Strange. Haruhi should be here right now, with another one of her schemes," I said.

"Suzumiya-san must be preparing something extra special for us today," said Koizumi.

He smiled that annoying little smile at me as he said this. He was a better kiss-ass than any elementary school student bringing his teacher an apple. Annoying bastard.

Yet in the few times that Nagato failed us, I had no choice but to rely on Koizumi's expertise. As expected, Asahina-san was largely useless in those situations (save that time that she was a pivotal factor in reworking reality as we had known it). Of course, it was the older Asahina-san, but still Asahina-san, nevertheless. Haruhi was a natural Leeroy Jenkins, so relying on her was most certainly bound for disaster, and most of the problems were her fault in the first place! Damn her schemes.

As for Nagato… What am I explaining this stuff for? You should know everyone in this clubroom by now!

"_Well, I hope something special involves getting me and Asahina-san alone in a room…_"

"Kyon, you know Suzumiya-san won't like it if _that_ happens," he said. He gave me a mischievous wink.

"_Did I just say that out loud? Damn!_"I silently cursed to myself. "In any case, I hope she won't force me to do some more of her tiring errands, like that time she sent me to get that accursed heater from Oomori Electronics."

Suddenly, the door burst wide open with a loud thud. "_Well, speak of the devil,_"I thought wryly. There she stood, in all her profound self-proclaimed glory, SOS Brigade Chief Haruhi Suzumiya.

"Okay everybody, I've got a special Brigade activity for us today. Everyone must participate. There'll be a penalty if a member is absent, so Kyon —" she glared in my direction, "—don't get any ideas."

I sighed. As expected of Haruhi, there was no way I could worm myself out of this one, without saying the words, "I am John Smith."

But now was not the time to divulge that critical piece of information.

"Okay everybody, here's what we're going to do. Koizumi, go take Mikuru-chan to the supermarket to buy the ingredients we need. The list is taped to the fridge door. Nagato, you go over to the library and borrow some books with instructions on baking cakes. We're going to bake a cake today!"

"Yes, Suzumiya-san. Asahina-san and I will be back shortly," said Koizumi, whilst flashing that sanctimonious smile of his at Haruhi, who immediately approved of Koizumi's camaraderie.

As usual, Nagato responded with a short nod that could hardly be noticed.

I then waited silently for my verdict, but I decided to preempt fate anyway.

"And what am I supposed to do today?" I inquired warily.

"Ah Kyon, you are going to stay in the clubroom with me." She smiled hugely as she said this.

"_Damn it! What does that woman have in mind for me now? The only woman I want to be locked in a room with would be Asahina-san, but that's impossible at the moment, or anytime, for that matter._"

The commands having been issued by the Chief, Koizumi began to move towards the door while beckoning for Asahina-san to follow him. For some reason, Asahina-san would not follow.

"What's the matter, Asahina-san?" I inquired.

"I.. I.. Uh.. I think I want to change. I don't want to go to the supermarket wearing this," she said. By this, she meant her maid costume. Apparently, she was only comfortable wearing it inside the SOS Brigade clubroom.

"Well Mikuru-chan, you're more moe than I thought," said Haruhi. "Whatever. Koizumi, go get Mikuru-chan's uniform and bring her to the ladies' room to change."

"Yes, Suzumiya-san."

Koizumi's cheerfulness began to annoy me, as usual. How could he take Haruhi's orders with a smile? Oh that's right, the happier Haruhi is, the less likely that the end of the world as we know it will come to be.

And with that, Koizumi took Asahina-san's uniform from the clothes rack, and they exited the room. Seconds after that, Nagato closed her book, stood up, and left without a single word.

And so, I was alone in the room with Haruhi. Strange. The menial tasks are usually left to me. Like in that accursed movie we made for the cultural festival a while back. Haruhi even has plans of making a Director's Cut edition, titled (well, you guessed it) "_The Adventures of Mikuru Asahina: Director's Cut_" featuring some of Asahina-san's more provocative poses, some of which I secretly saved on Haruhi's computer.

"_What is going on?_"I thought.


	3. Chapter 2

It was just me and Haruhi in the room. There was an aura of silence which, surprisingly, Haruhi did not pierce. My mind began to frantically wander, imagining what she could possibly have in store for me.

The first thing I thought of was this scenario:

_"Kyon!"_

_"I suppose this is where you order me around, eh?"_

_"Damn right it is! Now, I want you to clean the bookshelf. I don't care how it's done, just be finished before the others get back or there'll be a penalty for you!"_

Or another scenario, like this:

"_Kyon!_"

"_What?_"

"_You're going to take Mikuru-chan's costumes to the cleaners today. Every single one of them. And you're going to pick them up tomorrow._"

Obviously, my mind was wandering now, and my musing was broken by Haruhi's voice.

"Kyon! I know exactly what we're going to do today."

"What?"

She did not answer me; instead, she went to the radio perched on top of the refrigerator, and inserted a CD into it. An unfamiliar song suddenly began to play, and if I were to classify what genre it was, itthis would be the kind of song that would be used either for falling asleep, or in a romantic setting.

I was stunned. "_What is going on here?_"

She responded by saying, "You know Kyon, I've noticed how you always kept an eye on Mikuru-chan."

"_Gah! I never thought Haruhi would state this out in the open. I hope she won't shape reality or something._"

She continued, "I guess that's a testament to how good a Brigade chief I am!" She laughed heartily. "I've made Mikuru-chan into the best mascot there is. Next cultural festival, the two of us are gonna dress up in bunny suits and distribute more flyers for the screening of '_The Adventures of Mikuru Asahina: Director's Cut._'"

I vaguely thought about protesting against that. Seeing Asahina-san in a bunny suit might be part of my fantasies, but I didn't want to see Haruhi use her that way ever again.

"Well Haruhi, haven't you given up on that sequel?"

"Of course not! What the Brigade chief says, goes," she said smugly.

"_sigh There's no way I'm going to get her to change her mind._"

She continued, but her voice became slightly somber, "Well, sometimes, I admit, I don't want to be such a good Brigade chief."

Hah! You, a good Brigade chief? You've got to be kidding me. But then again, all the supernatural occurrences aside, most of our activities would have been nice. For instance, the summer coed. Nothing supernatural happened, but I guess in the end, we all had a good laugh about Koizumi's detective setup. As for the summer after that, all the activities would have been fun to do with friends, if it weren't for the fact that Nagato said that everything had occurred for around 15,000 times, more or less.

"Sometimes, I feel like I've done too good a job on Mikuru-chan."

"I agree," I said. "Who knows what kind of men would be lurking for her the next time you two go distribute flyers wearing bunny suits?"

"I guess," she conceded.

Haruhi Suzumiya conceding to me, Kyon, under no pressure whatsoever was a very abnormal act. Something HAS to be going on here.

"So Haruhi, why exactly do you think you've done too good a job on Mikuru-chan? What's your point?" I asked.

"It's because you never seem to notice me."

"How could I not notice you?" I said scornfully. "With all the orders you give me, only someone as absorbed as a hardcore gamer could possibly not notice."

"I meant notice me, for me."

"Huh?"

"Damn it Kyon, you're so slow! I mean that you don't notice me as a girl."

I was stunned. Here was a topic I thought Haruhi and I would never, ever, discuss.

And yet, here we are.


	4. Chapter 3

There existed in the room right now a silence so tangible that I felt like I could reach out and touch it.

This being totally unexpected, I decided to play dumb.

"Well Haruhi. I didn't think that was possible."

"What wasn't possible?"

"That you would make such a huge fuss over me not noticing you." I laughed.

Yes, I was going to milk this for all it was worth. It isn't everyday that a teenage girl with powers she didn't even know she had confesses that she liked you. However, despite everything I've gone through, despite anything I may say, I wasn't actually so averse to Haruhi liking me.

This goes all the way back to that night where we spent two hours in a closed space that she had created. A closed space that I convinced her to let us escape from by doing the unthinkable:

I kissed Haruhi Suzumiya that night.

My mind swerved back to the present when she snapped, "Kyon, that really isn't funny. As your Brigade chief, you should show me a little more respect."

"_Well, given this little situation I'm in, I'll show you more than just respect. Boy, will Koizumi be surprised. I just hope that Asahina-san would still be friends with me when they get back. As for Nagato… She probably wouldn't mind._"

"Okay, I'll do just that."

I suddenly walked up to her and hugged her. She seemed stunned at first, then she suddenly threw her arms around me.

"Kyon," she mumbled. "I knew you'd come around."

I had to admit, those sparkly tears in her eyes actually made her more attractive than she normally was. Even then, Haruhi was quite a looker.

I then put one hand behind her head, the other caressed her cheek, and I began to do what I had done that night back in the closed space. However, she suddenly broke away. I was suddenly gripped by a fear greater than anything I had experienced with her, prior to this moment.

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

"Kyon… I remember that night too; that night where you convinced me to go home with you. To the real world."

"Yeah, what about that night?"

"Well, I remembered something you told me."

And with that, she removed the yellow silk from her hair and used it to tie her hair into a ponytail.

"Oh, you mean when I said that ponytails—"

I never got to finish my sentence. Because the next thing I knew, Haruhi's lips were firmly in contact with mine. And with that, I couldn't think of anything else. Not even Asahina-san.


End file.
